|
Monday, July 30, 2007
Have been keeping myself busy lately.. after work wud be dance if not go out or after dance went out.. haven been slping enough too.. and so finally today i rest alil more... slept from 630 in the morning till 6 pm in the evening and slack at home all the way till like now.. i realise something... but so...? dun bother bout it.. heard a bad news the other night.. called out of concern... after that heard from her that she taking up a bike liscene.. hmmmmm......... ya...... think my fren sick of my ranting too.. haha ... begin to be irritating too ya.. well... it will be over la.. a msg affect me.. haha din see her for like .... i cant even remmeber when exactly... how wud it be later? niteXx Wednesday, July 25, 2007
It wasnt that of a good day.. din sleep well last night again.. like maybe an hour.. went to work but surprisingly im hyperactive somehow but i know i will be tired in the afternn.. today is a real busy day of work..time flies very fast and i din went out for lunch too..end up working till 7pm man.. finally im out rushing back to bunk to change and go for dance initially.. I sprained my ankle~!!! damn... juz alil swollen and still can walk as per normal tho.. juz that a bad news too... semm like i always tend to sprained my right ankle.. and means my ligament is getting loose there man.. that a bad new sia.. haixx.. hope it will get better.. plus i got my dance commitment too.. called dav ad realise they are goin Queensway for costumes so i guess i better go home rest then... before that i went for dinner wit 2 other colleuge at clementi.. great meal and so full lo.. took ride from my fren MRS... so cool la.. too bad its kinda gona rain if not the shelter wud be OFF~! anyway.. ankle faster recover and stay strong... ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ tho its a busy busy day.. she still kept appearing in my mind.. wondering if there will be any msg cuz im in the 'no reception' workplace for the whole day.. so finally im out at 7pm.. theres a few msg.. but consider none to me actually... Took a deep breath and well 'lets go' i told myself... how seh.. -j0n- ... o.0 Jon&Jon Scream-ed @ 7/25/2007 12:12:00 AM 0.o Monday, July 23, 2007
Good Guys Get The Hurts, Bad Guys Get The Loves.. So what being nice and in the end im the one who get hurt? Am i doing anything wrong? I need to get a shield for myself to protect myself from anymore.. Shud have know i wud get hurt but still went on and on after each time my heart falls.. Shud have know when i got suspected.. Shud have know when things started to change at first.. but i cant let it go... stupid jon.. Well.. so what now? Be a bad guy.. No point giving anymore.. Im juz another guy.. who searching for the one but to no avail.. give up then.. live the best out of my singlehood.. wana do what i haven do before when im single.. its a raining day.. but im feeling warm all the while.. till the phone rang.. suddenly i juz turn cold and freezing.. my feet and palm turns cold.. i wonder why issit so? even now when im typing, its cold.. i miss u.. ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ its hard to give up.. feelin empty and hollow juz like before i know you... you filled my heart.. you gave me laughter.. you taught me how to smile.. you gave me happiness.. you gave me hurt.. you gave me dissapointment.. i cant forget u.. it needs time i know but this period of time sucks.. and how long does it takes.. im suffering.. i know im back to nightlife again.. juz to keep me refrain from thinkin when im at home in the lonely night.. its juz goes wild and i cant handle it.. even on the club dancefloor, memories flew back.. couples out there sucks..making me puke.. in ktv the lyrics juz bringing it back to me.. once again i hold back my tears and swallow.. i miss the first month esp.. isnt it wonderful? isnt it sweet and heart warming? it never gona come back to me again.. im missing u badly right now... but what can i do? i miss ur hug but its juz a instant of warmth and hurts rush in.. i know that but i know i still cant refrain from the hug if have one.. Learning to Smile When the Heart is aching.. InPain -j0n- Sunday, July 22, 2007
I FAILED~!!!!!!!!!!! ITS FLOWS~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! I Felt A Challenge!!! Im losing.. Theres a lie somewhere...? Issit true? Im scared... I know it wud end.. n i feel that is it.. he's winning.. Once again i felt that my heart sink.. Its the dunoe how many times.. there's sure any things i do not know.. i have no right to know... but if a lie to me? What wud it be considered as? i fear to know the truth.. i felt the Cracked heart shape like thingy is falling into pieces.. its suffering... No tears i said to myself before the talk.. now i understand the feel to hang on and not to let it flow.. its unbearable.. my heart is feeling really heavy.. Zhen De Hen Xing Ku.. My palms are cold and my hair stands... Heart is sinking and tangling... Thats how i feel... Its crying out inside... but who cares bout it? Or choose not to care? It really hurts~!!!! this feeling sucks~!!!!! What shud i do now? what shud the next step be? What will we become? what will they become? i FuckiNg Dunoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebodyjuzkillmeplease... why the parting have to be that dramatic? seeing my train's door and her train's door closing at the same time... what a fucking farewell.. so near yet so damn far... for a few time tears in the eye and swallow down while gg to town.. took a seat and smoke and juz wana broke down.. hang on and hang on.... .... ... been looking at my hp.. thinkin i may mis a call or msg.. finally when reaching home, there's a msg.. im so so so delighted..~!!!!!!!!!! but it gone after a few msges.. online and i told myself to hang on again.. whats gg on mAn~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the tears in me really gona burst out.. did u lie to me? i feel like slp thru a few months and wake up when everything is normal again.. its sucks... got a testimonial from genting.. i tot its special.. but nah.. not for me only.. im juz a nuisence now... im nothing... juz nothing... maybe a nanny... Arghhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~ how to stop that feel in me.. its drilling and drilling... NO~!!! its not gonna flow... NO!! NO!! NO!! i need help.. Friday, July 20, 2007
ouch..my back hurts.. haix... i guess its muz be the dance prac juz now.. i have lotsa to catch with the rest.. tryin to absorb as much as possible.. tml will have the prac again..i muz at last finish what had choreo.. tml i got virtual shooting too.. shud be fun but juz all the waiting time sucks.. There this fren who have been around since i know him.. tho we really seldom meet up or even contact he is someone i know that will 'back' u up..or least me.. i really appreciate that.. im sorry..this 2 month will be a busy week for me and a tiring one.. i will hold on man and dun worry.. im aint the kinda to fall sick easily that need to go seek for a doc.. schedule for the month wud be work dance work dance work dance.. plus anything for someone.. Did i feel some changes? or issit i think too much? I feel it changing gradually.. i can feel it.. Got evidence too.. But is tat the truth? or i juz dun wish to face it? things juz changed.. i read msg from the past and comparing it from what i receive now is... i miss those msges.. i miss those 'misses'.. i miss those 'wana meet?'.. i miss those 'sweetie', i miss those 'hugs', i miss those 'loves'... it moving further and further away.. that i feel the coldness.. that i fear to hope for one and to disappoint myself.. at times i feel the warmth but issit really the warmth or im juz satisfied with that lil factors, for the short moment? am i juz a company? am i appreciated or treated like normal? for granted? no matter what it is.. i still continue to do my part.. doin what i have been doin.. i cant help to retrict myself to do that.. juz to learn to supress the feeling inside.. keeping it there and juz there.. how long will this goes on? i dunoe too.. i fear to end what we have now.. i dunwan to.. it will be a torture to be alone again.. when i tot someone is there.. what shud be the result? which shud be the way? i wana hug u~! Am i asking too much? Till The End, I Still Fear To Lose... Thursday, July 19, 2007
Its a peaceful night of duty... Gud Day~!! Last night, she sound weird and she having headache.. Plus she have to do research for her proj.. Poor thingy.. If im not on duty i wud have help her.. i was waiting for her call and keep myself awake by watching anime.. waited till ard 2, she have yet to call so i juz continue waiting and its 3am ald.. so i guess she muz have slp le so i din call to disturb her.. in the end the next day realise she tried calling many times but cant get thru.. i wonder why.. too bad then.. like finding and waiting but cant get it.. sian.. Finally, duty over and gona home.. but its raining~!! im stuck at the guardroom and got pissed so juz steal the umbrella from there and juz go.. but wat.. no difference with using the umbrella... im still wet and got splash by this MuthaF**kin bus at the traffic light.. in the end i juz take a cab back home.. bloody hell.. who know at this point of time, she got wet in the rain too.. went home and change then back to sch.. so qiao huh... i heard a story the previous night.. im glad to hear bout it.. To allow me to understand the person alil more.. To know whats gg on.. the story led me to think bout mine, my family.. every family have their own problem.. i have too.. not juz my family but including relatives.. i know some things will remain this way for a long time.. or maybe it will not change at all.. not very healthy to be this way of cuz but it juz tat way.. i been thru wat u been thru.. some similarities btw us in this too.. i have pass that stage.. hope someday u will too.. sure will de.. Goin to slp soon.. ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ i really Wonder y my fren can be that way.. i wun for sure.. they are the problem or im the problem? things are good but sometimes its not.. maybe im too sensitive.. thinkin alil more.. tats y making myself feelin uncomfortable.. maybe im acting smart to think tat lil more.. but thats how i feel from it.. or the first feel i get.. recently i miss huggin alot.. each time i hug i juz wana hang on.. the smell that linger on my jacket.. i miss it.. covering the feeling in btw or there wasnt anymore.. i hope things will be better.. i feel a river in btw compare to the small stream before.. tell me im wrong... -sigh- Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Im missing you badly my baby.. Monday, July 16, 2007
its a good day~!! Met up wit hazel for shopping~~ went early to get the tix for transformer and met hazel at ps station.. (finally got to watch it man..wit her..) it was suppose to get her into the street wear.. so went to army marketin search of the shoes but din able to get any.. instead i got one for myself~! lol... its like total black converse high cut but wasnt converse la.. some china brand..lolXx..its cost juz 19 buck k~!lolXx.. its not a place for our miss princess hazel...lolXx its stoo stuffy over there and hot... took a cabby over the bugis to cool down in the mall before gg over to the street.. spend quite a long time over there tho... aiyaaa lazy to blog so much... lolXxx... so ya instead of getting some street wear.. miss hazel got her girl stuff... i bought her a black and white top.. it look really nice on her when she tried it.. hehe.. anyway u wanted a off shoulder top too rite? so here you go.. and thern got a extra item man... i ask her to try on this bling bling bangle and we juz went off wit it.. lolXx..forget it...lolXxx... juz wear it then... been searching for white and gold stuff.. end up she bought a white and gold and bling bag.. thinking of getting the high cut gold shoes too but well.. its look kinda too much..lolXx... so din get it in the end..haha.. a useless jacket which i think she will be getting still.. haha..you will see how useless it is..lolXx.. i got a prezzie for mum birthday too.. hope she like it.. juz keeping this blog short.. im perspiring now while blogging la.. so hot man.~!!! +++++++( v )+++++++ ++++++++\ /++++++++ +++++++++*+++++++++ hmmm... You Kou Nan Yan.. you hua bu yao shuo.. keep in the heart.. ~~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ y did i shou yang go click on that.. not gona let it spoil my day... . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... damn... haizzz... watever la.. Saturday, July 14, 2007
"Sure you two don't wana give it aother go ? coz u look darling together" my fren wasnt refering to me but i juz took notice of this line.. hmmm... what the fuck have i juz done! insane me! i only can find tiredness.. does she understand that i msg u and u msg me is different? maybe this lil hope i put in exploded me.. luckily i din go home early..if not i will be toking to the wall at a corner.. attitude changes.. feel tat u get so easily irritated by me.. or am i still askin alil more then wats she wans to maintain wat we are now? i know i will miss those hugs.. i know i will miss those fragrance.. i know i will miss those dancing together.. i know i will miss those smiles on ur face.. i dunoe what else to say.. another level to attain.. we are single.. do what we wan.. its hard... its almost 12 hours since i got anything from her... its sucks.. restricting myself from making the first move.. and there u go its 530am now.. my hp is almost like silent... wats gg on man... i really dun understand.. issit tat i juz dun even worth that 5cent? or a free call from home... muz it be that way to force me to choose the ans.. im drowning in all the hurting.. keeping quiet and wan me to know the ans myself HUH is tat what u wan..? im wondering what i have been doin man.. whats really going on... issit true or wat.. i stop myself from thinkin more and juz get what u say.. arghhhhhhhhhh......... im gona be alone again... i know im goin too.. i know.. muz it be the way? shoot right in my face... into pieces im becoming too.. so that how its gona be when u say im someone special..?? i juz dunoe.... going for bellman tml? lets see if i can wake up... i need to heal... Friday, July 13, 2007
its a friday which mean i shud off work at 5pm but then i end up workin till 630pm.. finally got my fresh air after 10.5hrs in the workcenter... now i dunoe y im still in camp bloggin this.. havin headache from all the paperwork and admin stuff.. now y am i thinkin so much for something to add on to the headache.. damn... stop thinkin jon.. dun think bout the hot and cold moment.. things in life is unknown ya.. be cool.................... im tired... dun feel like doin anything.. dun feel like dancing too but i have too... time is limited.. *juz feel like gg to the beach.. ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ can i ask for assurance? nope i guess.. so dun think so much... end up having more qns only.. Thursday, July 12, 2007
well suddenly i just cant get to slp so came here for a blog.. recently i have been juz feeling tired.. maybe its because i have been sleeping enough but to think back, i dun feel this tired in the past..so ya wonder why.. its the thank you reception for the musical so yea went over.. finally got the dvd and photos man.. Happy~ i think i shud back and try to slp.. nights... sigh.. ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ i tot i wudnt see but unexpectedly its there.. got a fear which i dunoe how to handle myself.. heart beating fast and kinda trembling too.. hoping it wun come to me cuz i know i dunoe how to handle it.. its still in the my list.. never will leave there.. *confusion.wonder.why. Sunday, July 8, 2007
Shudnt have scroll thru again.. getting thinkin alil again.. read once and thats it what, jon. y itchy hand scroll again? happy time for u but not for me ya.. im a fishmonger selfish man..lol im sorry.. hiphop is my field from the start of my dancin life.. tats y i got in a dilema.. plus my partner is her.. i have a standard for myself in dance in shows in performance.. so now i have got my decision.. i know what im gona do and ask for myself.. the standard i want for myself.. and to make u shine on that floor.. its will be a great experience for us. it will be something for us as well.. juz us.. ihave told u what im gonna do.. so well now its to train on it.. not juz the skills and technique. and to bring back ur morale and feel for it.. i believe we can do it.. to train hard.. the finale choice wud be theirs to put us into it.. Well.. i guess the ans now doesnt matter already.. an ans during a confusion wudnt be a ans.. from this i get ur ans for u.. so let it be and see how it will be then.. either of may juz go off.. we are close frenz now.. wanting the other accompany.. at least now i know what i can do now.. juz be normal and as what i am.. same to u as well i believe.. yup i do admit qns still goes thru my mind.. but i can overwhelm it too.. so whether to say its controlling or i dun care, i dun know.. im taking it easy so well, i feel more free than before in the mind.. im glad somehow im still a person that u are comfortable to be with.. cuz to be who u are is what u wan.. Yea Yea.. life will get bz from next week onwards man.. dance and dance and dance.. for both suntec and ballroom.. for the past 2 week shud be the "vacation week".. have been gg pubbing and clubbing and drinkin..lolxx.. its seem to be tat way man.. previously i oso have tat kinda "vacation" then gets on bz with somthing.. hahaXx.. So take care jon.. eat more man... gain some weight.. -j0n- ~~~~~ o.0 ~~~~~ Goes on with life.. o.0 Jon&Jon Scream-ed @ 7/08/2007 07:34:00 PM 0.o The Bottom Line Stop trying to get someone to like you. You two aren't compatible, and that's okay. In Detail You cannot be everyone's best friend -- in fact, you can't even expect everyone to like you. So today stop putting so much effort into pleasing someone who clearly cannot be pleased (at least by you). You two are just not compatible, and there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, two people just aren't meant to be friends. If everyone liked everyone, the world would be a very boring place, so be grateful that you do have the friends you have, and stop worrying about the ones you don't have. Hmmm... this is the horoscope i read from the friendster.. and i sound kinda fierce... wondering its refering to who tho...lolXx... Wednesday, July 4, 2007
yup its gona be the way... juz a partner in dance... either u hinting in ur words or it wasnt on purpose, thats the things i got it from you.. well i hope u will tell me about it.. letting me know what inside you.. i dun wana always be the one asking, plus i said im not gona ask bout us anymore.. but if theres a end i hope to hear from u.. pics says a thousand words.. it tells me its more than that.. at least im sure there smthing from this person to that person.. its the past but everything still mean something.. its isnt a blank sheet of paper anymore.. even if u erase, the mark will be there.. stop myself from askin anything more.. thinkin thru before askin.. not to think when i know i shudnt cuz it wun do me good.. but hard to control.. well well well.... slowly let it slip off.. -jon- u take care k... Sunday, July 1, 2007
Can i have dance everyday? i Think its better that way.. numb myself.. if not, there will be nothing else to keep me bz.. at least flood my brain with dance instead of smthing else... suntecdance? Argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ feel like screaming out... Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22) The Bottom Line If you have a choice between love and money now, go for romance! Love's in the air. In Detail If you have a choice between love and money today, go for romance! Work opportunities are like buses -- if you miss one, another one will be along soon enough. But when you meet someone who really ignites a fire deep inside of you, you cannot pass up the opportunity to get to know them a little bit better. Skip out of the rat race today and see if the two of you can get away somewhere to talk, share a new experience or just enjoy a leisurely meal. I wonder if its true..the horoscope reading from the friendster.. another week have pass.. a tough week for me to handle.. emotional and tiredness... for consecutive night where i only sleep for 2 to 3 hrs each.. yanyan posted a comment for me on friendster.. "u n hazel's partnership for ballroom is good!!! *envy envy*" im very happy to hear that if what she says is true but i dunoe how to reply her oso.. thanks for that anyway.. i like rumba... i like to dance with her doing rumba... for a instance, it bring us slightly closer.. i really enjoy that moment.. the smell of er hair, the so called hug.. damn bellman to remover the hugging step.. keke.. but well.. i think soon will be gg into jive.. wonder how it wud be dancing with her.. i miss the feeling.. end of the class.. so called end of today contact.. Tot we suppose to watch that together...? Haix.. think she dun remember.. i wanted to msg but i force myself not to.. and well theres really no msg.. my hp seem to be on silent mode.. it doesnt ring,doesnt vibrate unless i do something bout it first.. why wun it juz ring and vibrate on its own? even if it ring and vibrate, its another disappointment.. its someone else.. its hard to accept a lie tho it was meant to be a white lie.. i accept it and accept the fact.. i hate to see couple on street now.. juz hate it.. or maybe envy.. have been drinkin for the pass few days.. juz get into the mode and goes to sleep.. i know my body is overtired already.. i can simply sit down for awhile and knk out soon.. this is which tat wun happen to me at night.. i need to rest i know.. n comments is i got slim down again... damn.. y am i still awake now? still waiting for something.. wud it comes? i dunoe.. fear to hope.. i can feel alil unwanted when ask for that.. wonder shud i ask again.. its sunday.. dinner is postphone once again.. so what for the day.. like as tho no reply.. can i juz skip this sunday and goes to monday straight? was chatting wit a fren.. he said he wana destroy her ex.. cuz she is happily there but he is suffering here.. yup its stupid way of thinkin.. i wun agree to what he thinkin.. i know and understand when she happy there and you suffer here.. but well.. in the heart u wan her to be happy.. its hard going thru this period of time.. but u got no choice but to accept the fact.. unless... unless u can forgoet bout it immediately.. Me? i cant tho.. so let time do the job.. Giving up isnt something i wan.. its seem so tempted to prevent anymore hurt.. but its not easy doing so.. i tried and i failed.. i tried and i failed again.. the two time i tot it wud really be giving up.. but no.. it isnt.. it din happen that way.. its juz goes on.. im aint no weirdo... im aint no somebody.. im juz myself.. situation brings me to be what ppl see.. naturally i can say.. i hate to act juz to get something.. maybe im physco... know being hurt but still hanging on to it.. no matter what.. its really hard.. its too fast too deep.. climbing out aint easy for at least.. it consider to be a short time.. but frankly to say.. u the only one that made me tears for in these short time.. so i will only tok to my blog from now.. i dunwana say anything bout it to her again.. i hope.. i juz wana be appreciated.. im not gona believe what others say.. cuz im the one in the spot, not them.. i wun say i know u very well.. but i believe she wun be that way.. hope i din see it wrong.. sometimes i can tell what going on from the way she tok to me.. i guess and it turn out right.. sometimes i cant see what she's thinking in ur mind.. sometimes i hope something from her but wit the minimum of hope.. im scared.. Lil things from her make me smile.. i feel touch and glad and happy to received the call this morning.. im kinda stunned in some way.. maybe its seem so "what the hell" but it really being so to me.. i fear to think more nowadays.. i fear my wild imaginataion wud be running so wild till i cant take it.. qns is in my mind but where do i stand to ask.. where do i stand to expect this and that.. if im something to u, i think that wud be the least thingy u will let me know.. but i guess not.. and this is different from controlling u.. it juz the natural thingy u wud do.. i guess juz to accept the fact and what we are.. thanks for some fb ppl for ur care and concern.. im glad..and come with some surprised from the way ur reacted.. well..i will be fine ya.. life goes on.. Heard bout ishi news.. its terribly stunning to hear bout his death.. he's a very talented guy.. but in the end.. died for love.. i think its stupid to do such a thing still.. *Rest In Peace, You Will Be Remembered In Heart - My Friend* sometimes im scared to do anything.. so how will the coming week to be like? or how will it be like later? See how it goes then.. im the water and which follow hows the bank goes.. its 3.25am already.. i shud be sleeping soon.. hp is still in silent mode.. i think i shud sleep... i think i need rest.. Sigh~ -j0n- ~~~~ o.0 ~~~~ Smash my head into the wall, smash my fists into the wall, smash my heart into the wall. whatever its is, its juz so unknown to me.. there lots and lots more out there.. even better ones.. there someone new or what.. act blur and treat them as fren but not in the other way.. so what am i.. juz another that appear? a third party now? who is actually him? my heart hurts when it comes to my mind.. it happen right in my face.. why? tryin to test the strength of my heart? its there already.. do u care how i feel? and dissappear suddenly.. what do i meant to you? can u tell me? i really wana know.. i feel total no confidence.. "love" is getting to far from me.. too distant.. can i juz take out this part of my heart and throw it away? what can i do to ease it? what can i do to feel better? what can i do to make life easier? to be a bastard? a total bastard? fuck man.. somebody kill me~!~! i dun feel anything from her.. care?concern?feels? ARghhhhhhhhh~~!!!!!!!! what am i? an actor.. to smile and be happy male lead.. KillMe~ anyway im dyin soon... i know... and its thats it.. |
:: demonic spawn PROFILE 
Name: j0n
-[ i miss dancing so muchie; ]- -[ i respect frenship; ]- -[ i cherish frenship; ]- -[ i believe in frenship; ]- -[ i love new hp msg when i juz woke up; ]- -[ i love stage; ]- -[ i love dancing; ]- -[ i love singing; ]- -[ i love the beach; ]- -[ i love quietness; ]- -[ i love chaos; ]- -[ i love crowds; ]- -[ i love being alone; ]- -[ i fear being alone too tho; ]- -[ i can be a quiet guy; ]- -[ i can be noisy as well; ]- -[ i love to hug..; ]- -[ but is there anyone?; ]- :: fetish uncoils - - - - - :: dark desires
Emotional
May 2007 :: treasurous content Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :: demon's childs
- [F.Bodz] :: victims' screams
Say Your Piece
|